Start your Monday with jokes !

I know it’s Monday again. I hope everyone had a nice weekend and it’s the hardest day of the week. Everyone starts working again. Stucked in traffic jams and everything. You have to get your lazy ass back to the office and ready to finish all pending assignments or risk the wrath of your boss. Better make your boss happy before your pay is cut or delayed during the festive seasons.

To start your day in the optimum condition, let me share some jokes to brighten your day. Some of this are quite dirty, don’t read this if you can easily be offended !

Joke 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Joke 2

First thing one Monday morning, a robber broke into the bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier said,
‘Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!’
The cashier laughed and said, ‘You mean to say ‘HISTORY.’
The robber answered, ‘Don’t change the subject.’

Joke 3

Louise went into her bank to cash a cheque.  She looked so hesitant that the cashier went to help her.
‘Please sign the back of the cheque, ‘the teller told her, ‘as you’d sign a letter.
Louise looked extremely grateful, scribbled on the cheque and passed it back to the cashier.
Signed on the back was: ‘Yours affectionately, Louise.’

Joke 4

After the Americans went to the Moon, Paddy and Seamus announced that the Kerry Men would go one better and send a man to the Sun.
Murphy objected. ‘If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!’
‘What do you think we are, stupid?” Seamus replied. ‘We’ll send our man at night!’

Joke 5

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, ‘Ma’ am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.’
The woman thinks to herself, ‘Oh No, not my brother… he’s an idiot!’ She asks the doctor, ‘Well, what’s the girl’s name?’ Denise.’
‘Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it! What’s the boy’s name?’

Joke 6

Ceritanya cam ni,
Ada seorang pompuan , masa tu dia sedang berhenti ditepi jalan sambilmelihat keadaan keretanya yang kemek.hari dah nak masuk magrib, dia menjadi semakin resah. Dah lah jalan tusempit, lampu jalan tak de pulak.
Tiba-tiba datang sebuah motosikal datang dari arah bertentangan. Dah lahtak pasang lampu, tak pakai topi keledar.. laju pulak tu.. macam pelesit.Perempuan tu apa lagi, dia terus menjerit ” Hoi.. Babiiiiiiiii……. Slowsikit…..”
Bila mendengar laungan perempuan tu, apa lagi, penunggang motosikal tu punmenjerit balas .. “Celaka!!!!! F**k you!!!, Pu**mak kau!!!”..”Bagerooo…”sedap jer cakap babi….”
Selang beberapa saat.. tiba-tiba terdengar satu dentuman yang kuat….Perempuan tadi berlari kearah bunyi dentuman tersebut..Apabila sampai ke sana, kelihatan budak tu terpelanting dalam semakmanakala motosikal nya remuk sama sekali.
Rupa-rupanya, dia dah langar babi yang telah dilanggar oleh perempuantadi.
Moral of the Story : Hoi babi!!!!!!!! slow skit!!!! tu bukanya marah…tapi nak bagi tau jer….yang ada babi tergolek kat depan….hehehehehehe

Joke 7

seorang pakcik tersilap masuk toilet..termasuk kt dlm toilet wanita..wanita2 yg ada kt dalam tandas semuanya menjerit ‘NI UNTUK PEREMPUAN JE PAKCIK’..Pakcik tu selamba je turunkan seluarnya sambil berkata ‘NI PON UNTUK POMPUAN JUGAK’…hehehe

There you go. Seven jokes to start your day !! :lol:

By the way, Negaraku! is planning to do a get together for “buka Puasa”. Go check out this post and I’ll be posting more updates on it soon ! So stay tuned ! :up:

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